


he is no icarus; he is the sun

by Raconteur11037



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Excessive Use of Parentheses, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Name Changes, Pre-Relationship, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), the blackwing agent todd au absolutely no one asked for, todd is a bisexual disaster with a big crush but what else is new
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-08 00:19:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17375939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raconteur11037/pseuds/Raconteur11037
Summary: Todd Brotzman is probably the only person who has ever thought that working for a top-secret CIA project was boring. Maybe it wouldn't be if he wasn't a glorified janitor. Mostly he just feels bad for these miserable-looking test subjects he doesn't have the clearance to know anything about. He doesn't even know what they're being tested for.But, as we know, the Universe is a tricky thing, and somehow Todd ends up exactly where he needs to be: in the cell of one Project Icarus.





	he is no icarus; he is the sun

**Author's Note:**

> The Blackwing!Todd AU absolutely no one asked for but I decided to write anyway. Contains minor references to human experimentation, but nothing you wouldn't expect from a Blackwing fic.
> 
> I might turn this into a series or multi-chapter fic, but for now I just wanted to deal with this plot bunny.

Todd Brotzman hated his job. One would think working at a top-secret government facility would be glamorous, or at least _interesting_ , but when you're the lowest rung on the totem pole, it mostly consists of cleaning up after tests he wasn't sure he wanted the clearance to actually watch, judging by what was left behind in the labs. He had met a couple of the subjects, or seen them at least, but never interacted with them for very long. Apparently some of them were incredibly dangerous, but most of them just looked... scared. Or sad. Todd wouldn't exactly consider himself the most empathetic individual, but he couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt over being complicit in whatever it was that was making these people so miserable.

So, when he was asked (or, rather, _told_ ) to go check on Project Icarus, he was less than thrilled. He had never done it himself, but he knew from the other grunts that this would probably mean that Icarus was terribly upset about something and had made some kind of fuss, but the folks in charge felt it would be too humane (at least Todd assumed that was their reason) to simply sedate him and be done with it. Not that they wouldn't still do that if Icarus refused to cooperate or Todd couldn't calm him down, which given his lack of people skills, empathy, or general capacity for human kindness, didn't seem out of the question. But he had learned better than to talk back to his superiors around here, so he headed to Icarus' cell anyway.

Knocking was merely a formality, as he had been given the key and temporary clearance to enter anyway, but he figured the poor guy deserved at least that much. When he received no response, which wasn't surprising, he unlocked the door and entered anyway. What surprised him was the fact that the subject codenamed Icarus was nowhere to be seen, and certainly not making the kind of fuss Todd was expecting.

"Hello?"

His greeting prompted the slightest hint of movement in the corner of his vision, and he realized that Icarus _was_ in his cell after all. He was curled up in a ball in the corner of his room behind the bed, the only piece of furniture there was to hide behind in the otherwise barren room. And Todd thought his place was shitty. The man in the corner-- and he was definitely a man, and not a child as Todd had anticipated, judging from the difficulty of fitting his long legs so tightly to his body. He couldn't exactly see much of him, just his ever-so-slightly trembling back and those long, jumpsuit-clad limbs wrapped so tightly around themselves, willing themselves to appear as small as possible, or perhaps, if he was lucky, disappear entirely. Anything would be better than here. Including being nowhere at all.

"Um... c-can I help you...?" Todd stuttered out. He had never been much good at comforting people that weren't Amanda. "I was sent down here to check on you. Everything... alright?"

Icarus finally lifted his head at that, shaking his head in small, frantic motions that only served to send his neatly-combed auburn hair out of place. (wait, why was _that_ what Todd was noticing?) "N-no--" So Icarus was British? Something else Todd wasn't expecting. He thought Blackwing was all the US government. "P-please, no more tests today-- I'm fine, I'm just... tired. P-please just leave me alone." Todd might not consider himself an empathetic person (in fact, he was pretty much a jerk), but damn if his heart didn't break for this guy. The sheer desperation in his voice, the tell-tale crack letting Todd know he was close to or had just been crying. He definitely wasn't leaving this guy to be miserable alone. At the very least, perhaps they could be miserable together.

Without thinking, Todd reached out to pat him awkwardly on the shoulder, though he quickly realized his mistake as the man flinched violently away from his touch, finally turning to face him in the process. Todd merely stared for a second before he began stammering out an apology, which was cut off as the expression on the man in front of him shifted from one of fear to a sort of suspicious curiosity.

"You're new."

An odd thing to focus on, but at least he seemed less afraid of Todd than before. "Uh... yeah, I mean, kind of-- I've had this job for a little while, but I, uh, don't think I've ever met you. Or most of the other subjects. I mostly just... clean up the labs and stuff." It killed Todd to see the immediate reaction Icarus had to whatever horrible memory he associated with those labs. "They... uh, Riggins, I think... asked me to come check on you. Don't worry, I'm not here to take you for any more tests. Or, y'know... do whatever else people normally do when they come in here. I'm just here to make sure you're doing okay." A moment of hesitation before he realized what his introduction had lacked, and stuck out his hand. "I'm Todd. Todd Brotzman."

Icarus eyed his outstretched hand warily (clearly, the man didn't like to be touched, not that Todd could blame him), and though he didn't take it, he seemed to accept the introduction well enough, so Todd took the hint and retracted his hand with a quick apology. "Hello, Todd. I must say, Riggins deciding to send you seems quite unusual-- he normally sends the same technicians to me every time. There must be a reason for him to break the usual pattern. Maybe something happened to the usual techs? Not unheard of around here, what with the likes of Marzanna and the Rowdy 3. They have new techs and supervisors every other week, if not sooner."

Todd wasn't sure when it happened, but Icarus seemed to have transformed into a completely different person. The timid, traumatized man he had seen when he came in had suddenly been replaced by one full of energy with a mind running far too fast for a normal, non-psychic guy like Todd to follow.

"Uh... what should I call you?" Todd managed to cut him off, hoping to regain control of the conversation. "I assume you don't want me to just call you 'Icarus'. But I don't have clearance to know your real name, or... whatever else you might go by."

The man paused for a moment, as if he had to think to recall his own name, before a **_got it!_** sort of smile crossed his face. "You assumed correctly. My 'real name,'" complete with air quotes, "is Svlad Cjelli. That's what my file would say, if you could read it. But I'm not exactly fond of that either."

Todd could understand why. Just the thought of trying to pronounce... whatever he just said made his tongue twist into a knot. Maybe he's not British, then? This guy has layers. "So... what do you want me to call you, then? Do you have, like, I dunno, a nickname, or something? I don't wanna call you a name you hate."

The man who, as of now, had no name, frowned, as if he hadn't anticipated this question would follow after he denounced his other titles. "I'm... not quite sure. I-- it's not that I hate my birth name, it's the last thing I have from my mother, after all, but... they changed its meaning for me. It doesn't... make me feel _safe_ , like it used to. Quite the opposite, in fact." Todd had lost count of how many times this man had completely switched emotions on a dime, as he had just flipped from crestfallen to being filled with excitement out of nowhere. "How would you like to help me find a new name?"

Todd wasn't sure what he was expecting, but that certainly wasn't it. "M-m-me? Why? You just met me, doesn't that seem kind of rash? I-I'm not really a nickname kinda guy."

"I didn't ask you to give me a nickname, silly, just a regular one! I don't really think I look like a Nick, anyway."

"That... that's not what a nickname means, but okay."

"Of course it is, why else would they call it that? Isn't it because Nick is short for Nicholas? Ooh, or maybe the person who invented them was called Nick! Seems like a mystery that needs solving!"

"I don't-- we're getting off track. Point is, I really don't think I'm qualified to give you any kind of name. I met you like, ten minutes ago, for God's sake. Don't you... I dunno, have any ideas of your own?"

A slight shrug, followed by a smile more earnest than the wide grins Todd had seen on him previously. He hated the thought for occurring to him, but he couldn't help but notice how damn cute this guy was. How he wanted to do whatever he could to protect that smile. He hated his job more than ever at the thought of whatever they did to make this man so terrified when he could be smiling like this. "To be completely honest... this is probably the safest I've felt in a long time. Here, talking with you. It... feels like how the name my mother gave me used to feel. I thought maybe, if you gave me a name, one no one else knew about, that they couldn't take away from me, that maybe it would feel like that." He was still smiling that faint smile, but Todd finally noticed the shimmer of tears in his eyes. And with them, the damn near overwhelming urge to wipe them away. What was this guy doing to him?

Apparently he hesitated a moment too long, because that smile fell from the other's face as quickly as it had come. "I-I'm sorry, that was completely inappropriate, I'm a grown man, I shouldn't be afraid of my own name! That's pathetic. Not as pathetic as asking another grown man you've only just met to give you a new one by--"

"Dirk."

Well, that was one way to shut him up, apparently. As Todd regretted opening his dumb mouth, the nameless man merely stared at him, wide-eyed. "Excuse me?"

"Dirk. That was... the name of the main character in this book series I liked as a kid. I barely remember what it was about, but I remember that character. Sorta. He had like... psychic powers or something, some kinda supernatural stuff, a-and he was some kinda detective guy-- he didn't really do normal detective stuff, so much as he just... tried to help people by solving their weird and mysterious problems. It was super confusing, honestly. But like, Dirk was just this really sweet, _gentle_ guy, who probably couldn't throw a punch to save his life, but he didn't need to. He kicked ass with his mind instead of... y'know, his feet. I guess you reminded me of him somehow. Haven't thought about those books in years."

As soon as his rant had concluded, Todd was hit by a wash of shame, the enthusiasm in his description somehow surprising even him. But his companion didn't seem surprised so much as elated. He was grinning from ear to ear, and the sight made Todd smile against his will.

"Dirk! That's it! I love it! Dirk... ah! Got it! Dirk _Gently_. That'll be my new name! Dirk Gently. Yes, that will do very nicely indeed! It's got a good ring to it, don't you think? Easier to pronounce, too. Less confusing-- I don't exactly _sound_ Romanian, do I, Todd?" Not that he waited for an answer, but Todd gave a shake of his head anyway. "Dirk Gently... I love it. But just between us. I hereby give you permission to call me... _not_ that, when you're talking to everyone else. I don't want them to ruin this too."

Dirk Gently. For as short a time as Todd had known him, he had to admit the name seemed perfect for him. Todd felt almost proud to have helped him find it. He would have to find excuses to see him more, so he would be able to use it to make him feel even a tiny bit better about everything that was happening to him.

Hoping it would be received better this time around, Todd found himself again reaching out to pat Dirk on the shoulder. He didn't recoil-- far from it. In fact, Dirk had thrown his arms around Todd in an entirely unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome, embrace. It took a moment for Todd to remember he had arms and hugs generally involved both parties, and tentatively wrapped his shorter arms around Dirk's chest. Todd wasn't much of a hugger, and he doubted Dirk got the chance to be very often, but despite the awkwardness that should have been there, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Something about being with Dirk just felt _right_. Just like that name just felt _right_ on both their tongues. (A thought which was definitely _not_ followed by any others involving said tongues, thank you very much.)

While neither of them had any desire to let go, Dirk was the first to speak up with "You... might want to go back soon. While I'd love for you to stay, it'd probably seem suspicious. I don't want them thinking I knocked you out or killed you or something." The thought of Dirk doing either of those things was almost laughable, but Todd somehow managed to stop himself from actually laughing. He knew Dirk was right. It still stung to let go.

"Yeah. But-- I'll come visit you when I can, okay? Not sure what excuse I'll make up to tell Riggins, but I'll make it happen. I'm, y'know... I'm here for you." He begins making his way to the door, but turns around just shy of it. "See you later... _Dirk_."

As he takes his leave, Todd is pretty confused about a lot of things, but there's one thing he does know: Yep. He would do anything in his power to protect the smile that lit up that little grey room.

**Author's Note:**

> The series Todd describes isn't *technically* meant to be the original Douglas Adams series, but who knows, maybe it's something roughly equivalent that exists in their universe. Honestly, I just wanted an excuse for Todd to give Dirk his name and it was this or a Homestuck reference.


End file.
